In My World Part 2

Fan Blog (IMW is a Frank J. original-IMAO.us/)

"Wow!!!! I didn't know we could actually do that" George Bush said to Dick Cheney as he was finishing up his ice cream cone. "I always thought bombing the U.N. was sorta off limits. But Israel is bombing them now. Thats really not fair."

"Yeah, I've wanted to bomb the U.N. ever since they made me sell all my shares of Halliburton" Dick said.

"Well I'm going to order a full scale attack on them right now. This is awesome" as Bush dialed the number for missile control. "Hi Ted, Yeah it's me. We want to bomb the UN Offices...... Thats right........Whichever offices are closest to where I am. I want to see if I can see the explosion........New York City eh, sounds to me like the sorta place that should be bombed.........Ok Ted. Thanks. I'll keep a watch for it."

Bush turned to Dick and said "That was Ted, he said it's a go."

"Great. Haha, UN. You should have known you had this coming." The vice President seemed to have a twinkle in his eye.

Then a hooded figure came lurking out from the trees and said to the pair "Be sure to leave Kofi Annan for me. He's mine."

"Oh, Howdy Mr. Rove. Where did you come from?" asked Bush.

"From the shadows. Just be sure not to harm him. Ok?"

"Thats fine. Hey, did you catch the score for the Washington Nationals game to day?" Bush said.

"Good bye George, Dick" And then Carl Rove disappeared into a cloud of smoke and was gone.

"Oh I wish I knew that score" Then Bush said to Dick "Come on, lets Go see what we can find out about my U.N. bomb."

Sand in the Vasoline
There are a lot of desert areas in the middle east. I'm talking a crazy huge amount of sand all across that region. And what do we know about the angry people that live there? Well, we all know they like to bury stuff in that sand. Lots of stuff: Bunkers, Weapons, their wives, all sorts of things. And truthfully, it is just way to big of an area to try and find everything that's under the sand that could be a threat to us.
So here is what we must do. Since Israel is carpet bombing the place anyway, what if while they were at it, the just switched over to using nukes. That way it would turn the entire region into a sheet of glass. And since we can see through glass, all we would have to do is fly around spotting the stuff that was buried. It's a fool proof plan.

In My World Part 1

Fan Blog (IMW is a Frank J. original-IMAO.us/)

“It’s just not fair” said Gorge Bush to Condoleezza Rice. “Why does Israel get to blow $#*! up but I don’t”

“You’re blowing stuff up everyday in Iraq and Afghanistan…. and watch your language. Your wife might get mad again.” She replied.

“I can swear now if I want. Remember what I told that Canadian guy Tony Blair the other day. I swore in front of him when I thought that mic was turned off.”

“Well just don’t do it around Laura while I’m near by. She scares me a little. And Tony is from England, not Canada. Do you remember anything from geography class?”

“I was in the National Guard during geography class I think. But I want to blow real stuff up now anyway. Afghanistan has a few caves that we keep blowing up, boring!!! And Iraq is so flat now we’re just hitting sand. I want to shot something fun like Israel is. What about that place you just said. Where Tony Blair lives. Do they have tall buildings and explosive fireworks factories there?”

Condi stared at George for a few seconds and then said “George, go bother Dick or something. I’m busy getting ready to go meet with some world leaders in Italy.”

“Oh, tell them I said howdy. Have you seen Dick around anywhere?”

================================================

“Thanks for playing marbles with me, Dick” Said George.

“No problem” Dick answered as he flicked a marble hitting two more out of the circle. “I win again. You owe me $27 now”

“Awww, you always win. Hey, here comes Laura now. Maybe she has some cash on her.” Then Gorge turned and yelled “Hey Laura, baby, can I have $27”

She walked over to the two of them and said “What do you need $27 for? You aren’t gambling again are you?”

“No” George answered Quickly. “We just wanted to go get some ice cream”

“What kind of Ice cream costs $27 Dollars” She said while looking very skeptical.

“We wanted to buy some ice cream for some kids too” Dick Jumped in to bail out his friend. “We were hoping to boost George’s approval ratings”

“Kids can’t vote” Laura said.

George was starting to get nervous. “She’s on to me” he thought to himself but Dick saved him one last time. “Well, he can’t run for reelection anyway. He just wants people to like him. Is that so bad?”

“Well, I have a ten and a twenty you can have, I guess. But just stay out of trouble” and the she went back into the house.

“Wow, that was a close one. Thanks for your help. I kinda just froze up there for a minute.” George said.

“aww it was nothing. Now, pay up.”

“But I only have $30 dollars and I owe you $27. If I give you all of it then you’ll owe me $2.”

“Well, I’ll just buy you an Ice cream then. Come on.”

Red Frogs

I believe I have come up with a great new plan to fix one of the biggest problem areas in the world. There are some areas on this planet that nobody in there right mind would want to visit because they're just not nice, happy places. For instance, Fallujah is a scary place that you wouldn't want to vacation at. You would probably get shot if you walked around there for a bit. Or Antarctica during the winter. That place looks really cold. No thanks. That's not for me. But the worst place by far to go to would have to be France.
There are so many reasons that one would want to avoid that place like the plague that I cant even list them all right here. But lets just say that almost all the problems of that country can be summed up by one root cause. The French people them selves. If they weren't there all the time, maybe that country could actually be an inhabitable place. So while I was considering that point I believe I came up with a plan that could actually work.
But before let you all in on this plan of mine, I need to state a couple of observations. First, I have noticed that Immigrants in general, but especially those that came out of a communist country looking to make a new life, are some of the hardest working people in the world. They open Businesses or sometimes work 2 or 3 jobs to get by. But a lot of the time they end up making good money, buying a house, and just living the American dream. And my second Observation is this French people a lazy. And smelly but especially lazy.
So, here is how we fix several problems at once. We take all the French people in all of France and load them up on a bus and take them to North Korea. Then we use that same bus and load up all the North Koreans (they're very skinny so they might only fill up about half the bus) and take them back to France.
That way the French people would learn a lot about work ethics by living under the communist rule of Mad Man Kim Jong IL. And the Korean people could have a free country to live in and have jobs and eat some food again. So it is most defiantly a win win situation.

He's not so bad

It would be so easy to write a big long blog about every thing we don't like about the way Pres. George W. Bush is running this country (into the ground). I could say plenty of bad stuff about his Border Policy (again and again) or I could write about how giving Iran nukes could have been a miscalculation on his part. Or even something about the way he sent a hurricane down to New Orleans because he is a racist and loves Global Warming. But all that stuff is everywhere already anyway and I like a little bit of a challenge, myself. That's why I want to write down some of the things that W. Has done over his 1 1/2 terms as President that I think were good. So here it goes.

1) Remember what he was doing on the morning of September 11 when he first heard about the attacks? He was reading stories to children in a classroom. Now that is a good thing that he did. I heard once that that was the only book that he has ever read.

2) He did not have sexual relations with that woman, Monika Lewinsky. I think sometimes that gets over looked but it can be tough sometimes as President to keep from doing that. I heard once that he has actually never had sexual relations with any woman, ever.

3) George Bush created then entire universe no wait, that was God, sorry. This is harder than it looks.

4) While in office he was able to get the Seattle Seahawks to the Super Bowl. Too bad he had already spent all of the money allocated for bribing the Super Bowl refs. He wasted the money by buying body armor for our troop. (It wasn't enough money to get more than one body armor unfortunately)

5) I love the way the gas prices are so high now. Every time President Bush raises the price of oil I know that the Alaska State Permanent Fund Dividend is just going to be worth more and more. Show me the money!!!!

6) On April 3rd, 2006 he through out the first pitch for the season opener game of the Washington Nationals. Who are the Washington Nationals? You might say. Well, they're just some baseball team I guess. But you can probably count that pitch as a good thing that he did. I don't see why not. Plus, it wasn't a half bad pitch, they say.

7) He tortured prisoners at Abu Grab. That's just awesome. I'm just upset that it looks like they stopped doing it. I mean it was a win win situation. It keeps our troops moral up and our enemies moral down. But mostly its just good clean fun.

8) Bush set in place policy and procedures for shooting lawyers in the face. He gave a memo to everyone in his cabinet explaining the way to go about doing this. And he let them know the preferred amount of time they should wait before letting anyone know what happened. (BTW, its one full day)

9) He makes all Kennedy's so frustrated that he drives them all to drinking. Now that's a good thing and a bad thing. Its good in that its very entertaining to see a drunk Kennedy but its bad too, in that other people end up drowning when they drink. So I call that one a draw.

10) He finally killed Zarqawi. That's really good. They say that Bush had him frozen and then they saved his life and then thawed him out. Then Bush blew him up again so that he could watch this time.

So there you have it. Bush has done some good things as President. So next time someone tries to tell you that he's all bad just remember some of these things that I told you about. And hold your head up because he still has 2 more years to do even more good things. I have to say, I'm excited to see what is in the works for the next couple years. Go Bush!!!!

News in my World by Nick Bennett

George Bush Has Busted a Terrorist Cell in the U.S.
Tuesday, a terrorist cell in New York City was broken up and hundreds were arrested or killed when federal agents got rumors of a large orginization aiding al qaeda with information that was deamed highly sensitive by the govornment.
In a public anouncement givin today by Donald Rumsfeld he said that there were a lot of members of the group that resisted arest and because of that a lot of terrorests had to be killed. Rumsfeld said that he himself was responsible for killing the most of them. Other agents involved in the raid had said that Rumsfeld used his hands to strangel anyone who talked back.
Aperently, most of the people in that building must have talked back because there weren't very many survivors. It's no suprise really that they talked back to rumesfeld though. The group has a long history of that kind of behavor. The terrorist group goes by the name of The New York Times. Aperently they write down stuff that gets printed out and handed to people. Fortunatly, their rayne of lies and printed treason is now over.

Friday, May 12, 2006
guild Lines For Foreigners
Recently the American Government put out guidelines for Americans traveling abroad that would help to shed a better light on the way we are perceived. Apparently the rest of the world views us as loud, crass, and belligerent. So if American travelers followed these new guild lines and acted appropriate we could once again be liked by other people and have friends. Which I guess is now one of our new goals. Never mind the fact that all these countries that hate us so much would actually risk there "lives" to get here. (It is very dangerous to sneak into America) But that is for a different blog. Right now I want to write my own guild lines. How Foreigners Should Act to Make American Travelers Feel More Comfortable

1) Most important of all, you must speak English. English should be spoken every where by every one. Americans cant be hassled with trying to learn 50 different languages just so we can order a cheese burger where ever we might be. Its not right. English is the best Language so it will be chosen as the new international language that everyone must speak.

2) Along those same lines are signs. All signs need to be changed to be written in English. There is nothing worse than an American in a strange country whos lost because he cant read a sign or get directions because everyone is foreign. And DO NOT USE THE METRIC SYSTEM. Kilometers are gay.

3) I know there are a lot of countries that use bartering when selling stuff. I don't care if you all barter among your selves but any time an American comes up to buy something, you should all automatically drop to the lowest price possible. That will save lots of time and money for us.

4) NO MORE SUICIDE BOMBINGS WHEN AMERICANS ARE AROUND. Some one could get seriously hurt. Do all of that stuff on your own time. We don't like it.

5) Always offer Americans lots of really good gifts. We are very trigger happy people and you should do whatever you can to stay on our good side. And don't make really sudden movements around us. Like I said, we trigger happy.

6) Some Countries have really good food and some don't. ie. Japan. So if you're one of the counties with bad food then you need to get some good food shipped there. Like cheese burgers.

7) Wave lots of non-burning American flags around. That puts us in a good mood and helps us to be more friendly to your country. You wouldn't want to start a war with us for something so retarded as burning flags. Use common sense people.

8) Plant apple trees all over the place. Jonny Appleseed planted trees all across America way back in the day. It was a good idea then and its a good idea now. Then everyone should use the apples to make lots of apple pie. American apple pie. No weird ingredients please.

9) If you don't have anything nice to say about our President of Government, then don't say anything at all. Only Americans can make fun of our selves or complain about our politics. And that goes for illegal aliens as well. The only reason you're all still here is that Chuck Norris hasn't round house kicked you all out of here yet. So don't say bad stuff about us and make Chuck mad or you'll be sorry.

So that's my list and any county that follows these rules is well on there way to being friends with us. So if you're ever having an encounter with an American and have a situation come up that wasn't covered under these rules then stop and consider the best course of action. Always choose the option that doesn't make us angry. Angry Americans often times mean wars. Basically, just treat us all like kings and I think you will do fine.