Interview With The Pres.

I recently had the rare opportunity to have a sit down with Pres. George W. Bush. It was a great chance for me to ask some of the hard questions that many of us have been wanting answers to for a long time. Here are the transcripts of the interview in their entirety.

Nick: "Good Morning President. Thank you so much for coming here today."

Pres: "Thank you for having me. It's nice to get out of the White House sometimes."

Nick: "Well, let's jump right in, Shall we. Many Democrats were really upset about the Bill you vetoed that defunded the war and set a timeframe for withdrawal. Did you feel that that veto was a good idea?"

Pres.: "Oh yeah. That was really funny to see them all get in a huff about it. Plus I think setting a date for withdrawal is a bad idea. A better plan of action then bringing home the troops is to keep them over there."

Nick: "How long do you plan that they'll be there for?"

Pres: "Oh, forever. I don't think we should ever leave. You see, one thing that a lot of people don't realize is that the Iraqi people are desperate for work. They will often times do the work that even Mexicans won't do and for a lot less money too. So our plan is to create an open boarder between the U.S. and Iraq."

Nick: "An open boarder? What do you mean by that?"

Pres: "Well, besides the obvious benefit of lots and lots of camels in the U.S. we think that when the Iraqi people are allowed to walk straight into the country with no questions asked, it will be a great model of friendship. Plus, just think of all the new day laborers we would have."

Nick: "Do you worry about terrorists or anything that might come over though?"

Pres: "I worry about that ever single day. That’s why we are doing what we're doing over there. Killing terrorists. That and stockpiling oil."

Nick: "But you just said it was to make an open boarder."

Pres. "Of course I did. Why else would we be there?"

Nick: "Ok, let's move on. About the Open Boarders stuff. Can you explain why you are giving amnesty to the illegal aliens in the U.S. right now?"

Pres: "First off, it's not amnesty for illegal aliens, ok. It's amnesty only for Undocumented Mexicans. We don't want to confuse this bill for being for everyone. You hear that Canada and France! Mexicans Only!! And soon Iraqis too."

Nick: "Well, why the distinction between Mexicans and everyone else?"

Pres: "If anyone makes that point, then it's because they hate brown people. You know, I think Iraqis look kind of brown too."

Nick: "Lets talk about your approval rating for a minute. It's seems like just when it couldn't get any lower, you do something that makes even more people hate you. Does that bother you?"

Pres: "Oh, big time. That’s why I do something for some people one time and then stuff for the other side the next time. I'm trying to make everyone like me."

Nick: "Do you ever consider picking one side to be on and work on just making them happy?"

Pres: "But then the other people will get mad. I just can't win no matter what I do. I can't even win the popular vote, whatever that means. But on the plus side, I think the Mexicans like me right now. That’s why they are my new favorite Americans."

Nick: "But lots of them aren't Americans."

Pres: "They will be soon though."

Nick: "So, Will the new Mexican citizens have to pay taxes and fines and stuff with this new bill?"

Pres: "Well, part of the deal I made with Mexico was that once the Undocumented Mexicans become documented, they will keep their same benefits of free education, health plans, and no taxes that they've always had. It would be kind of hard to convince them that they should become citizens if you made them have all the same lack of benefits that the non-brown Americans have don't you think?"

Nick: "Ummmm…. Ok, but that seems a little unfair maybe. At least to the majority of Americans it seems wrong. Don't you agree?"

Pres. "To any one who thinks that's a bad idea then I just have one thing to say – You hate brown people"

Nick: " Ok, well, that seems to be it for time today Mr. President. Thank you for being here today and answering some questions."

Pres: "You're welcome. And remember, go find a Mexican and shake their hand today. Lets all give them a warm welcome."