The Oil Monologues

There have been a lot of accusations over the last few years that the war in Iraq was a 'War For Oil'. Which I personally think would be a great reason to go to war. Every time I fill up my gas tank I feel like declaring war on someone. Naturally I think to my self "Iraq must be bombed for this outrage!" And I know that's what George Bush must think as well when he gases up. But I keep waiting for the bombing of Iraq to lower the gas prices, but it doesn't seem to be happening. Here is an equation that I've worked out to try and help explain the situation.

High gas prices = Angry Americans + Bombs x pi =...... Still High Gas Prices!!!

So, I think that means the equation needs to change. And you all know me, the problem solver extraordinaire. And I have an answer to this problem now as well. And I think it could really work out.
What is one thing that this war has given us? Iraqi prisoners. And what do we know about the Iraqis? They're good at drilling for oil. Soooooo, why don't we set up some prison camps in ANWR and start using these prisoners to drill for oil. I think it's a fact that slave labor is the cheapest form of labor there is (except for maybe Mexican labor). And the POWs already know how to drill so we won't have to do any training. We will probably have to buy them some coats but that shouldn't be a problem for us. We are a great nation.
Now I'm not suggesting that we stop bombing countries with oil. On the contrary. By all means continue the bombings. That's just good clean fun. But I think that adding Prison Work Camps to the Oil Price Equation is the needed solution that weve all been waiting for. So the next time your at the gas pump and you're $60 deep, consider how much better life could be if gas were almost free. It's a dream that could be achieved. So call or write your senators.

In My World Part 3

Fan Blog (IMW is a Frank J. original-IMAO.us/)

"Joe, Wait up for a minute" called President Bush as he hurried to catch up in the White House hallway.

Joe Lieberman quickly looked for an escape route but saw no easy way out so he turned and said "Aw, George. How are you today?"

"Oh, pretty good I guess. I ate a big breakfast so that running I just did to catch up with you made me feel really full now. So how is the weather?"

"Did you have something important to say George or is this all just small talk?" Lieberman asked.

"Just small talk I guess. I never saw you yesterday. Were you busy or something?"

"Yeah, kind of.."

Joe was interrupted by a shadowy figure in the corner "Joe, this is Karl Rove" in a scary voice.

"Hi Karl" Said George

Joe looked a little startled but was able to say "Is there anything I can do for you Mr. Rove?"

Rove, who was in a hooded cloak said "I'm here to help you win your re-election Joe. The Bush camp will help you on two fronts. First we will support you and second we will not support Lamont and Schlesinger. How does that sound"

"And we will drop Bombs anywhere they are needed!" George added with excitement.

"Well, I appreciate the help you guys, But I'm not sure that a Bush endorsement is the best thing at this point. I think I'm better off doing this my self."

"Suit your self, but keep us in mind if you need something in the future." And then as suddenly as he had appeared, Rove disappeared.

"Wow, how do you think he does that?" Bush asked Joe.

"I think he made some sort of deal with someone and had a fiddle contest. I've just heard rumors about it though."

"Lucky. Hey, you want to go get some Red Lobster with me?" Bush said.

"I thought you were full from breakfast"

"Yeah, well, I think I could eat again now."

Then Joe said "I'm pretty busy. I don't think I'll have time to go eat. Besides, Jews don't eat lobster. It's not Kosher."

"What, You're a Jew. I didn't know that." Said George. "Be careful around Mel Gibson then. If he finds out, he might yell at you or something. I heard he doesn't like Jews."

"Ok, I'll keep that in mind. Bye George"

Turn Her Around!!!!!

For 120 years The Statue of Liberty has been standing up, welcoming immigrants to our country as they would arrive. She has been like the first American, extending a hand as people would show up. Even before they were on the American soil, they could see her face and know that she is a great symbol of what America is about Liberty for all.
So, my new proposal may come as a great shock to many of you but I think its something that must be done. We must turn her around. I know that's harsh, but we need to turn the Statue of liberties back to anyone trying to come to America. Not because we don't like other people but because we are all filled up in here. So some new person would be coming to our country and they would see that we had to turn our backs on them. They would be sad I know, but they would then return home.
Now, we cant stop there though. You see, I think the reason the immigration problem from Mexico is so bad, is because we share a border with them. Its so easy to find a place to come across the boarder now days. I mean, really, Mexico and America are touching. So what is that, like one step from there to here? Yeah, so I think that needs to be addressed.
We could build a big wall you might say. It would be better than the Great Wall of China. But honestly, I don't think that would work all that well. We have already seen that they've been digging tunnels and I don't think the wall is going to stop tunnels.
Well then, what about the National guard that President Bush said he is putting down there on the boarder. You add. That was a good idea I think to start with but there are some problems with that too. The biggest being that they have orders to not detain or even confront any boarder crossers. Don't ask me what their job is going to be. I think they will pretty much just sit in lawn chairs and sip Margaritas. So that was a bit of a worthless idea.
Ok, so what about Combat Robots. I hear you all saying it but there's just one problem. We don't have the Combat Robot Army developed yet. Its still a few years away before we would have that many Combat Robots in services. So we have to look for a solution that will work and work right now.
What we must do is simple really. We need to change the fact that we share a boarder with Mexico. If we widened the Rio Grande by about 100 miles and pushed it through all the way to the Pacific Ocean, I think it would work. Then of course, we would need to put up copies of The Statue of Liberty with her back towards Mexico all along the new Texas Ocean. That would defiantly get the point across about how we feel. This is some thing that must be done so everyone, write your senators, call the Whitehouse. Do whatever you must do but just know the survival of our county depends upon the Texas Ocean and Statue of Liberty showing her back side.