A Great New Offer

Have you ever felt guilty about the amount of pollution and carbon that you put out in to the atmosphere? Have you ever wished there was a way to reduce the amount of your “Carbon Footprint” but didn’t know how to do this without changing the way you live? It’s a huge issue these days, especially with global warming and everything. Well, your answer has finally arrived.

Al Gore has paved the way yet again by teaching us a solution. He is the Global Warming Messiah. You see, he spent over $30,000 dollars last year to heat and light his house for just him and his wife. Now, If you just heard that, you would think he was a big huge hypocrite for telling us we need to reduce our carbon output while he increased his to a point of unbelief. But to counter his carbon output all he had to do was purchases “Carbon Credits”. These are from homeless people who don’t use as much carbon as real people do.

So for every 5 thousand kilowatt hours (the average American households power usage for 6 months) you can buy these “Carbon Credits”. And once you’ve purchased such credits, a homeless person, representing the credits bought, will be shipped to your house. Al Gore bought 38 homeless people last year alone. And now he has a clear conscience knowing that he has evened the balance and done his part to reduce his portion of greenhouse gasses.

And now this offer is available for everyone (except homeless people). You too can be guilt free and well on your way to a happy life of luxury with a simple phone call to Enviro Friendly Corp. It’s as easy as that. And your very own homeless person will be collected in an area near you and brought to you in a hybrid car so you don’t have to worry about the emissions from a jet during shipping. The Homeless person even comes with a cage free of charge. But hurry to get in on this offer while supplies last. It’s the great new offer by Enviro Friendly Corp. Remember, do the right thing, like Al Gore.

“I’m Al Gore and I approved this message”

LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!!

“Hey, what’s that really scary, ugly thing standing right behind you?!?!”

“What, that thing right there? Oh, that’s just Global Warming. Don’t worry about it though. It can’t hurt you; unless you ate some popcorn kernels recently.”

This is an example of any number of conversations going on right now, all of which consist of people ignorant of the dangers of Global Warming. What many people don’t realize is that Global Warming can sneak into your house at night and steal your children. And that’s just one of the many deadly results that can occur from Global Warming.

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night in cold sweats? Have you ever burned your tongue on hot coffee? Or have you ever slipped on the ice and hurt your tail bone? If you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, or countless others, then you have been a victim of Global Warming. And it doesn’t stop there either. Oh no my friend, Global Warming can sometimes even leave the toilet seat up. So, next time a girl nags you about that, tell her that it was probably Global Warming.

So, what do we do? How can we fix this problem? Many people have suggested the old ‘If you ignore it long enough, it’ll go away’ approach. It has been used for some time now and it seems like a sound theory on paper but in practice it hasn’t paned out the way many had hoped. You see, the main stream media hasn’t let it go away. They keep Global Warming locked up in a cellar some where in Delaware and just let it out at night to feed. Then they put it back in the cellar in the morning and keep it hidden so no one can find it and free it. Basically, Global Warming is like the media’s bitch.

“Is there an alternative option?” you might ask. Well, in fact there is, but just one and it’s not an easy thing to accomplish either. We must unite all the Wizards and Giants to join together in the battle to end all battles. If they could defeat Global Warming then the planet will be saved and there will never be another threat for the rest of time that could harm us. But if they lose, that will be the end of the world as we know it – game over. But we must do what we know is right and just. Difficult paths are the most rewarding. Good luck planet Earth.