Exit Stratigery

"If I withdrew the troops, here's how it happened" George Bush's new book seems to have borrowed the title somewhat from O.J. Simpson's new book. But Bush's book is much shorter. It's full length is just one sentence long - "Over my dead body. The End." The book does have some very lovely illustrations though.
George Bush's unwavering resolve is making a lot of democrats very angry though. He has said such things during interviews as "Stay the course" and "we won't leave until the mission is complete." These kinds of words can really confuse democrats who have never held true to a point of view long enough for people to take them seriously. John Kerry believes that Bush should be more open to changing his mind. "If everyone followed Pres. Bush's style of not changing their minds then we would still have slavery" said Kerry.
Meanwhile, in Washington, House Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi said Bush must work with Democrats on stopping the violence in Iraq. "We want to work in a bipartisan way to settle this," Pelosi said. "If the president persists on the course that he is on, that will be more difficult."
Many people have started asking why haven't the troops been brought home yet since the Democrats won the latest elections. George Bush just laughed at that question and said "Because they are the Legislative Branch silly. That Branch is like a funny twisted branch. Maybe a branch that broke off a tree during a hurricane or something. Executive Branch is where it's at."
The Iraq War has now been ongoing for longer that all of WWII put together and many people are blaming Bush for that. But some others feel that maybe WWII just got over to quickly and think that that’s a bad comparison. "WWII could have gone on for longer if we wanted it to" said one Vietnam Vet. "All we would have had to do was change the criteria for what constituted victory."
Which could be an option for this war as well. If peace in the Middle East must be achieved before we can declare victory then this war could go on for a very long time. But if it was changed to – If we kill more of them then they do of us, then the war could be over right now and victory will be achieved. It all has to do with perspective.
Just look at Hezbollah. They say they beat Israel but there is not a whole lot of evidence to support that point of view. But they did have a lot of parades afterwards so it's hard to argue with their logic. Parades mean victory.
So it is still uncertain when the war maybe over but as long as we celebrate the return of the troops with parades then we can be winners. And if they have parades in Iraq then we could just bomb them. "How is that for an exit strategy" said Vice Pres. Cheney.

If You Give Michael Moore a Cookie

If you give Michael Moore a cookie, he'll probably ask for a glass of milk to go with it. So you'll end up going to the fridge to get the milk and when you get back he'll have already eaten your table and your pet. When he goes to grab the milk from you, make sure to pull your hands back quick. That's a good way to loose a limb.

Now, when he gets done with that milk he will definitely be ready for a hot dog. But not just any hot dog. He will want the Super Huge Mega Dog with all the fixing's from the vendor down the street. He'll just eat the regular hot dogs at your house while he waits for you to get the other one. (you better get two or three just to be safe)

Once you get back with the hot dogs to where your house was, you will probably see Michael Moore still sitting there waiting for you. Then you might get worried that your parents will be mad because the house is gone but he'll tell you that you really shouldn't have too much to worry about because your parents were in the house when he ate it.

He will be very excited to see that you brought him the 3 Super Huge Mega Dogs so once again, be very careful when you hand him the food. He will eat those dogs very quick and then he will want to reward you with a hand shake. What ever you do, don't shake his hand. You don't know where it's been.

When you don't shake his hand it will make him feel very sad. Then he will probably tell you that the only thing that makes him feel better when he's sad is to eat a cookie. And you all know that if you give Michael Moore a cookie he will probably ask for a glass of milk to go with it.

Great Jokes

There sure has been a lot of discussion over the last couple days in the world of politics over the funny joke that John Kerry told during a speech in front of a group of college students. Some people found it offensive but that’s just the thing about jokes – they're supposed to be offensive to somebody. Otherwise, why would it be funny? Just like Rush Limbaugh's funny joke about Michael J. Fox. That one was really funny because of the way Rush offended Fox's disease. Illness is always funny.
But I think there are a few other jokes that have been told by Kerry and other politicians lately that need to be recognized as well for how funny they are. So I've put together a list of the best jokes of campaign 2006. So, without further a duo -

1) The only thing dumber than a U.S. Soldier is George Bush – Sen. John Kerry

2) You should read my new book. It's called 'Between the Pages' – Rep. Mark Foley

3) An American Soldier was so dumb he tried to Trick or Treat a camel - Sen. John Kerry

4) What has water ever done to hurt anyone before? – Sen. Ted Kennedy

5) (To a group of African Americans) The only way Republicans would have a gathering of similar size would be to invite the hotel staff. – Gov. Howard Dean

6) What's this 'Bridge to Now Where' up in Alaska that I keep hearing about? I might have to take a friend over to see it. - Sen. Ted Kennedy

7) How many U.S. Soldiers does it take to screw in a light bulb? One less then how many George Bush's it would take. - Sen. John Kerry

8) I invented Global Warming – Vice Pres. Al Gore

9) I bet Bin Laden is sitting in a cave somewhere right now wondering "What should I wear today? Something that makes my eye color look really good and will hold up well in an explosion in case today is the day I should be buried in front of a lot of people" – Pres. George W. Bush

10) I need to take a hunting class from Dick Cheney because I find that every time I try to shoot a lawyer in the face I end up hitting a quail – Unknown

11) Nancy Pelosi has had more plastic surgery than Michael Jackson – Sen. Hillary Clinton

12) Mark Foley has had more Man-Boy love than Michael Jackson – Pres. of NAMBLA

13) I like Interns more than Michael Jackson likes boys – Pres. Bill Clinton

14) ….And this one time, at Band Camp, I mean Camp David….. - Pres. Bill Clinton

15) Why did the really stupid guy cross the road? Because that’s where he had to go to enlist in the military - Sen. John Kerry

16) Why was the U.S. Soldier Stuck in Iraq? He was to dumb to find his way out. - Sen. John Kerry

17) A Priest, a Rabbi, and Mark Foley walk into a bar. The Rabbi announced loudly "Hide your kids!" – Sen. Joe Lieberman
So that is a small list of some of the great jokes that have been told recently. One thing is for sure. We sure do have a funny government.